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I've been learning a lot


What I've been learning is that there is no casting out of the "things" that you don't like. Your mind/ego does two things. It "likes" things, and it "dislikes" things. Now, both of these things are what can be called poles or dichotomies, and that is alright. Many people who know that the nature of the universe is a polar or dual nature also can start the to feel or know that the nature of polarity is actually unity. Now, what happens is usually that they stop here, with this concept that, yes, everything is united or everything is one. No thing can be separated from the rest of all there is and exist by itself. The continuing problem, or really the issue is that they plateau here because the next step is a rather tall and difficult move. I know this for myself because it's been a long time that I've felt the esoteric nature of the universe as, say, akin to the Buddhist concept of Dependent Origination. But here's the thing, and let me write this quick because I am running out of patience: now that we know that one pole cannot exist without the other, we must completely accept the opposite pole as a relevant, important, and much needed part of nature.

The hardest part of this I see with two main issues. Accepting the inequalities and inhumane sufferings of others and accepting the parts of our personalities and pasts that we do not like and therefore try extremely hard not to identify with. The problem with this is that it's impossible. Truly, it's 99% possible, but because of the relativity of the concept of infinity no matter how hard you try to squash the parts of yourself you don't like (usually the ones you judge as "dark" or "negative," "evil" thoughts, actions, or emotions), you will never be balanced and at peace without them. 

It's not to say that you have to allow these things to transpire or gain power, it's simple that you must not try to dominate them and subjugate them. You must love them, and understand them. Accept why they arose to begin with. Come to terms with their history and their beings, and then give them (yourself) the love they require to heal and release their emotion in order to make room for complete love. 

Writer's Block: Human Nature

Bad: Greed and self-doubt              Good: Perseverance and Intuition
What is the best and worst quality about mankind?


I'm posting here right now. This tiny laptop is hella annoying to type with. I should just wait to chronicle all this into my hardcover. Life is for real. Understand while you can, reader. Listen to yourself when you talk with others. It's important to listen to everyone in the conversation. Pay attention to what everyone is saying. Look for the truth in the words. Look for the secret behind their origin. Who's speaking? Who do you want to speak?

Fuck you if you think you're getting a straight answer out of me.

I drank gin and talked half the night with a friend. Probably had less than two shots worth. Didn't get drunk, but what I did get was enough to be interesting. Not that it wouldn't have been anyway. The head-change was just another thing with which to be interested in..../ to many articles for your ass /?

Whatever. I'll have time tomorrow to write. I want to spend a day looking for new music. I was to find tons of new music


You, like so many other of my journals, have invariably been a substantiate to the ever advancing process (however slow) of my shedding the grosser layers of my maturity. That is to say, you have watched me grow.....

You have watched me advance, livejournal. You have watched me evolve...
You have watched me discover, wading through mud and bog.
You have borne witness without a cringe.
You have supported without a word.

You have been here, for me, and for others,
Silently listening, with hope,
Hope that our own ignorance is not so thick as to blind us to your reflective efforts
- That we may see you for what you truly are
S we may see our own screams, and whines, and cries
our petty fears and reasons why,
our tiny stories, 
tinted, right before our eyes -
As  ripples
All they merely are.
Not scars
worth extreme remorse.

For you are a well of deep, pure water
And I am the Moon, looking down at itself
Finally understanding what I see

Writer's Block: It came from planet Claire

If you discovered a new planet, what would you name it?

Teres Minor.


Fuck should I know.

Old rhyme I found and fixed a little bit

It doesn't have a constant rhythm, so you'll have to figure it out. Just read it slow at first and then speed up at the parts you naturally can. Oh, and read it out loud, it's helps.

Lemme tell you, I'm twenty-two and life ain't changed a bit. I'm stuck here in class, being nice and I'm mad, cuz all I wanna do is blast the wall with some qi and fly outta this place like it was dragon ball z.
I rhyme and I rip.
I rip and I rhyme.
If this shyt was hip, I'd give my teacher the slip and skate my way to the strip to get some liquor in my system and listen to the pedestrians mentioning how surfing lessons as I deprive them of their prized possessions. 
And as I run real fast I laugh at the cat yelling at my back and all the wanna be heroes with their wide-eyed stares, telling themselves that they care about this poor sucker who thought he was safe, in the good ol' sunshine state.

Into the blue lagoon

I can't exactly say I'm bored in life right now, but honestly, I can't exactly say I'm having tons of fun either. I've been pretty confused about school. There have been so many mixed signals. On one end I feel like I know what I want; and on the other, I feel like I'm not so sure this course isn't right for me. I want to come into my own. I think I know where I want to be and what I want to do with myself, but I can't seem to shake the feeling that I might be jumping the gun in wanting to abandon this career so soon... If it wasn't so expensive to stay on and explore I'd give the time necessary to truly explore this situation to it's core. But the fact that it costs about five thousand dollars a semester to be here is more than just a side note to me. I don't have that kind of money, and I'd feel like shit if I spent too much more of it and ended up leaving this all behind me.

What I think I want is to be a master masseuse. I love Tui Na massage, and my circulatory teacher is quite the adept. I hesitate to call him a master because he is one. I guess I'm just being modest for him. They say a true master never truly believes he has mastered anything. Sort of like Socrates, you know?
Anyways, what I want in terms of healing abilities is to concentrate on healing people without any tools besides by bare hands and maybe a table and a towel. Acupuncture is nice and all, and I'd love to know it, but it's just so damn complicated and takes so long to learn and actually start practicing that it's fucking boring me... On top of that, and more importantly, I've personally experienced much better results with massage and physical manipulation... I just want to help people with my hands, with my five senses, and my experience. I want to incorporate all the esoteric arts beneficial to my practice and experience. I want to start working on people immediately. Experimenting. I want to be on my way to being a master now. I'm tired of learning from books. I just don't fucking learn that well. I'm more visual and kinesthetic. I find memorization absolutely boring.

I mean, I would love to, love to, love to learn acupuncture. Or better said, I'd love to know acupuncture already. I believe that a suitable alternative to learning acupuncture would be learning acupressure, which is the same thing except with my fingers. But w/e. I think I need to give it more time and more thought. We'll see where I'll end up. At least I know what I want. So even if I put up with this program for the next three to four years I'll come out with some very good skills to get me started while I delve into the treatments I truly want to explore.

Peace be the journey, friends 

Ha-ha. Funny.

It's easy (for some) to remember God's good qualities: Love, Forgiveness, Understanding, Omni-benevolence, Honesty, Wisdom, Selflessness, etc. etc.. But I realized yesterday, while meditating, that (many) people have probably never thought, or seldom recall another one of God's great characteristics - and this is, Humor. :)

God is a funny ass mother fucker yo. He's got the best sense of humor. He has your sense of humor, and everybody else's. He gets all the jokes, and understands all situations.

It's donned on me before, as I often joke around with God, or give him that eyes-half-closed, smirking face that you give when someone gets you with a good burn. I've always (the last four or so years) palled around with God like that. Coming-up with wise ass remarks and ideas in my head, knowing he heard them, and then laughing out loud together. Or when he sends something rather ironic my way, like I was aiming for something and he literally sends the complete opposite my way. GOD! haha. That shyt is usually pretty funny once you accept the irony of the situation.

But you see, the type of good humor of God's that I wanna talk about today is the humor he finds when you think you say something dumb, or do something wrong in his presence. Often I'm praying and my overactive mind jumbles me up and my half-baked prayer that started quite poetic ends up looking like a skateboarder crashed in the rose bushes.
When that stuff happens to me, or anyone perhaps, there appears in my mind the slight awareness that I've somehow done something offense by committing a mistake in front of someone holy - or as if by being imperfect in front of a perfected being I have somehow highlighted my worthlessness, my inadequacy. - Something like that or other. I think, basically, what I'm trying to get at, is that it's akin to doing something stupid in front of the popular kids in middle school. It's like being embarrassed except slightly more serious because these "matter." And so, when I do something stupid in front of God it's almost like the worst thing possible because God is He who matters most, ya see?

Anyways, it's in these situations that I find God has the best sense of humor. Because if you can find the humor in your own mistakes, then so can God. And laughter makes everything okay: like racism. That shyt is hilarious on t.v. or with friends; but not when someone's being serious. And, I find that God's sense of humor is a direct off shoot of another one of his good characteristics (which I mentioned earlier, and which happens to be my favorite one): Forgiveness.

Forgiveness is by far my favorite quality of God's because it encompasses so many of his other divine aspects within it. Forgiveness entails, Love, Benevolence, Understanding, Selflessness, Good Humor, and even Honesty and Wisdom (though this last one I'd have to put some serious thought into).

Forgiveness and a Good Sense of Humor is where it's at.

God is by far, one of the funniest motherfuckers out there.

So, next time you get all up tight and serious, thinking you're childish mistake is worth damnation just because the water you spilled was "holy," just laugh it off my friend. Because if you can laugh at your own mistakes than you are embodying some of the greatest qualities of our Lord and Creator.

No need to be so serious.

Have a nice day.


I need a new space to write yo. Cuz I don't really care so much about all this nonchalant soul. Scripting Print is too lethargic. Typing gives me speed. I have some drugs in my upper closet. If my hand was only long enough to reach. 

Still strugglin'

It seems I get a little roll on sometimes and do good for about five days or a week, but then I cut myself a little slack and it's all down the drain. I mean, in my defense, I did get sick, but whatever man. There are so many things I want to do, and probably have the energy to do, but I just let the moment pass, lost in the debate of which decision is the more right thing to do. In those cases I just take the middle. I sit there and don't do shyt because I can't decide. I just sit and rot and get-up and sit-down again. Basically, I waste my time until the moment's passed and the only thing left to do is move on....... Yup. Boring ass tactic: neither pragmatic nor ideal. And if it's neither of those, then what the fuck is the point.
Anyways, I just gotta get on top of my shyt. I need to create some momentum for myself. Get the ball movin'. Push it around for a good while before I let my legs rest. It's the only way. If not, it'll slow and roll back on the first root in its path.

Fuck it man. I just gotta be a man about it.

Get my shyt done.

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June 2012